I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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