Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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