And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
