he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
