I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
