a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
