Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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