How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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