How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
