I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
