You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
