are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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