I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
