dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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