I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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