Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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