At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
