May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
