Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
