Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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