this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
