I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
