a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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