Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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