I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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