Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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