Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
