I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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