did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
