Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His nipple licking is glorious
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
