so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
