i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
vagina is talking i cant
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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