she was so not down for the gang bang
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
