I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
