You're completely useless in the revolution.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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