guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
