So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
