I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My liver just broke up with me...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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