tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
