STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
