Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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