Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
