I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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