all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
