Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
