there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
