It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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