Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
