why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she looked like the before picture.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
