So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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