matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize