I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
