I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
