You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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