so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
