my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
