Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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