tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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