I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize