Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
