Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
