clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Come see our sink grown plant.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
