yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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