You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
