Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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